Here we are again.


On OUR day. Without you.

3 years ago today, I walked down a sandy aisle to the love of my life, I squinted at the sun as it settled down on the horizon and I told you I’d love you forever. 

Then in a minute you were gone. You left me here alone.

Today I am a bit torn. Between that chapter and this one. 

I jumped the wall and try not to look back too much because what’s in front of me is pretty fucking great. But my soul knows. It knows you’re missing, it knows you should still be here.

I’ve been scooped up and held by someone who accepts my past. Someone who loved you too. Someone who makes me look him in the eye and tell him what’s wrong and then hugs me because he knows I need it. Today he has the task of holding me because you’re missing. So weird and yet he just does it. He knew the baggage I came with. He knows what’s missing from my life. He watched me fall in love with you, marry you, then lose you. He watched my life explode and me fall apart. He’s helped me put all my pieces back together. With love and understanding and so much maturity. 

He’s loved me back to life. This guy, babe, no wonder you loved him too.

Today, MFP, is about you and I and he’s here to hold my hand through that. I don’t know how I got to be this lucky but I feel so so blessed.

I’ll always love you. I never thought I’d love anyone else like I loved you and I was right. My love for him is different but just as deep and just as special. I didn’t think I’d ever find someone who came close to making the impact in my heart that you did but I was wrong. You left some massive shoes to fill and I thought I had to find someone to actually fill them. But he has his own shoes and he’s filling them, differently, perfectly.

So on this day, this day about you and I, I have someone holding my hand and telling me they love me. I know you’d want me to feel that. I know you loved me enough to want me to feel that.

Happy anniversary baby. You’re still in there, holding space in my heart but I have to let go. Telling myself to let go used to feel like I was forcing it. I didn’t want to let go. I couldn’t. I couldn’t understand how I would ever be able to and yet… here I am.

I love you. I’ll always love you. But I love me too. 😘
A great quote from – One fit widow on Facebook.

“There is no moving on – there is just moving forward into a new normal. 

Yes, it is possible to honor the past while embracing the present. Yes, it is possible to grieve while living happily beyond loss. 

The two are never mutually exclusive.”