I’m tormented this morning and frankly, that feeling can go and fuck itself. 

A day out from our wedding anniversary. I thought I was going to be fine this year but apparently not. 

Grief isn’t something you have a whole lot of control over. You can, sometimes, but it’s more saving it up until you sort of pop… 

Thankfully the lead up this year hasn’t been so horrifying and silly me thought I’d escaped at least the wedding anniversary grief train but nope, it’s hit me today. Oh hey there, you’re just in time. Fucker.

There’s that resentment, the anger, the worry, the second guessing. Throw in some tears, some confusion and a whole lot of heartache. It’s a full blown grief party. Oh yay!

How silly was I thinking I’d just skip it this year because I’m happy? Which begs the question, how can I possible be this sad/mad/unhappy when on the flip side I’m happy/content/settled? In this same life…?? Heh?

Fuck sake. What the actual fuck.

If I was to give someone advice on how to handle all this though, it would be this.

Don’t fight grief. Just don’t. You won’t win. Nearly three years of this life I’ve learned. Grief is far more powerful than I and when I fight it, I come out second best. So I allow it. That’s the only control I have in that situation to choose to allow it. Eventually it starts to ebb away again and I can breathe.

Hurry up and get out of my system, you stupid grief arsehole!