Ever noticed how whenever you expect something, you end up being disappointed?
Nothing ever goes exactly how you’ve written it in your head because life has a way of doing its own thing. I’ve always known this but somehow I found myself stuck in a world of expectation. Most of it, NOT EVEN MINE. Weird.
I’ve recently kicked my expectations and other peoples expectations of me to the curb. I realised that I’d been unconsciously living in this bubble of expectation and you know where it was getting me? Nowhere. That’s where.
No more behaving a certain way to deal with someone else’s constantly changing sensitivities. How did I even get to the point where my stomach would knot up thinking about someone would react to me doing what I wanted to do?
No more following ever changing rules that I can’t keep up with through expectation. One day this, next day that. How can that be kept up with, it’s completely exhausting.
No more making excuses for other people’s bad bahaviour even if they don’t give a shit. Or my behaviour either, Jesus. Or my behaviour as a direct result of someone else’s behaviour. So. Fucking. Tiring.
No more one set of rules for them and one set for everyone else. You want boundaries? Great! I love my boundaries too. Shame I havent been allowed my boundaries but yours are very important. Perhaps practicing them yourself is the key to that.
No more lists I never cared about. Fuck lists. Seriously. They’re completely pointless because you don’t get to tell life how to go. It just does whether you like it or not.
No more having to explain myself or my choices to people for their benefit. Fuck their benefit. Why why why yourself, I’m going this way.
No more being made to feel like I’m not doing enough or I should be doing something better. You get what you get and you don’t get upset, because I give plenty. My way. I never “expect” more than I could give and that’s not news, I verbalise that.
Just… No more stupid expectations. Full stop.
I can’t tell you how freeing this has been for me. The last few weeks, I’ve found this weight has lifted. I didn’t realise I was constantly on edge or that I was walking on eggshells. I wasn’t aware I’d just spent a chunk of my time fighting those expectations. Ever the rebel, this time fighting for my freedom of all the damn rules. A life heavy with rules and expectations is a recipe for failure and constant disappointment. Others can live that forever if they want but not me, not anymore.
The happiest times in my life, of which I’m lucky enough to have had many, had been void of expectation. I’ve just lived. Each day was a brand new day and very little weight was given to what “should” happen, what I had planned to happen or what had to happen.
Here’s to this new life, where I revert back to my old self. The girl who rode the waves, lived freely without hold, didn’t expect every minute to be exactly how she planned. That’s not me, lists and boxes and ridiculous expectations. The sense of relief is almost overwhelming. I’m living this life for me. I’ll do it my way from now on.