In 11 days the calendar will flick over into the new year.

11 days from now, Russ will be even more of a past tense than he is now.

When I do talk about Rusi and people ask when he left us, I say last year. “Last year” doesn’t sound very long ago. It wasn’t. 

In 11 days he didn’t die “last year”, he died the year before last. He died in 2014, which in 2016 will be 2 years ago. I know, obvious but the emotions surrounding that are tough.

To me it feels like yesterday. The girls and I have come so far in such a short amount is time. It’s only been 18mths. But in 11 days time, people’s concept of time makes his death a really long time ago.

I know what this is, it’s that awful sinking (and continuous) feeling that time is whizzing by further and further away from a time where he existed. Stupid things like this upset me. I know I’m not alone. 

“Wow, has it been that long already?” Yep, and yet no time has passed at all. The heart doesn’t feel time, only love.