Amazing how much can happen in such a short amount of time. What is time anyhow…
This day, 2001 – I was 19 and heavily pregnant with my eldest daughter. She’ll be 14 on Sunday. Crazy! Life was hard. I struggled. I didn’t know what the hell I was doing.
This day, 2005 – I was 22 and due to have my second daughter in two months time. Still a struggle. But I was feeling more complete. My little family was coming together.
This day, 2007 – I was 24 and now a single mother to two young girls. I couldn’t do it anymore, single suited me better than a relationship with him. I was better than that, I deserved happiness amongst the struggle.
This day, 2010 – I was living with my boyfriend of two years and two beautiful girls. Enjoying life. Planning a future. Finally seeing light in the dark.
This day, 2013 – I was planning my wedding in 5 months to my most favourite person ever. We were happy. With him, I could see a whole world in front of me.
This day, 2014 – I was wondering how I would get up in the morning, how I’d survive another day, how I’d go on with a heart so broken because that guy I married, he died 6 months ago.
This day, 2015 – I am wearing my chinked armour and taking the love and lessons I’ve learned into the next phase. I am looking forwards, planning loveliness, expecting great things.
I am a far better version of any me I’ve been. I’ve crawled amongst the most broken feelings to rebuild myself into this new version. At the time, each and everyone of those experiences felt like it lasted a lifetime. But it didn’t. It was a mere blip on my life’s scale.
When I think back to what I’ve been through, lived through, fought through, I am stunned at how insignificant some of those things really were. Some weren’t. Obviously. Losing Russ will never be insignificant. It’s shaped me more than any experience ever. Including motherhood and that was huge.
Life goes on whether you’re on board with that or not. Let the blips be worth it.