When your heart is broken and your world still revolves around your person, someone new is not your point of focus.

Interestingly, there are lots of people out there who think it’s time. I’m just not ready I don’t think. If I were, I’d be out there doing just that. The thought of putting myself out there makes me anxious for multiple reasons.

1) He is still my person. That’s hardly fair for someone new on the scene. “Oh, I have a person but he’s dead so…”

2) Am I even close to being healed and stable enough to include someone new into this space. Don’t know.

3) Do I want another person right now? While I’m still grieving the old person? 

4) Do I have time for a new person? 

5) Will someone else want me? Me with all my baggage?

6) What about my persons other people? Is it too soon for them?

7) Will I ever be so lucky again? Will I ever find a person who ticks all my boxes and makes me laugh every single day?

8) I’m just so fucking tired. Do I really have to think about adding someone else I have to think about? People deserve time.

I can’t believe that I’m this age and having to think about starting a new life. I mean, I’m already living a life that is new, I’ve recreated myself and yet this starting again business is terrifying. Gah! Stupid new life.