There was a time in the not too distant past that I no longer wanted to exist and it’s really hard to even understand that headspace now. I remember it, I know the insanity of it but I’m no longer emotionally connected to that version of me.
I was so broken, so hurt, so unsure of my place in my own future that I couldn’t possibly fathom ever getting to a point where I could wake up happy again.
Yet here I am.
I don’t wake with that ache in my heart every morning. I no longer wake trying to find him amongst the sheets. I no longer pine all day for my love because I know he’s not here. I have accepted his loss.
I wake up now with purpose. I’m living and breathing and moving forwards. I take him with me, but it’s with love, not longing. The longing is fruitless, it hurts and gets me nowhere. He’s not coming back. Accept. Move forwards.
Truth is I’ve worked really bloody hard to get to this point. The point where my past doesn’t govern my future. This didn’t just come, I worked tirelessly on myself to ensure that one day I’d be able to say, “I’m fantastic, thanks” and mean it. I’m there.
I look forward to my next chapter. Well, this chapter. I look forward to my days ahead. They are filled with mystery but thankfully they are filled with love. I’m am one of the blessed people who have had a life filled with love. I have known true love. I am shown love daily by the people around me.
How could I possibly spend any time unhappy when I am so bloody blessed?
As I prepare myself for another day in a job I enjoy, I reflect on where I’ve been and where I’m going. It’s going to be good, I can feel it already.