Ever noticed when you talk about something with someone, you’ll have a dozen similar conversations, not linked to one another but about the same thing in a short amount of time?
Over the fortnight or so, I have had many a conversation about moving on and when I say moving on, I mean a new man. Others have been the ones to bring it up, not me.
It seems that now, in everyone’s mind, from now onwards it would be appropriate to do as I please in that arena.
I’m not quite there yet as just the thought of having to accommodate someone else in my heart when my heart still belongs to Husband gives me anxiety. But what is good is that people have given me the permission I didn’t really need but very much appreciate. I don’t mean that sarcastically, I genuinely mean I don’t have to think about others now when and if I get to the point where giving my heart away is a thing because they’ve said, “From now on, it’s time.”
I’m not ready. I’m not even close to being ready. In fact, anxiety aside, it’s more that other men aren’t appealing to me. I’ve tried to be more open, I’ve tried to push my feelings for my husband aside and see other people for their value but nobody measures up, because nobody is him.
Husband wasn’t without fault, and sometimes his faults were really hard to take but his good things are something I’m not willing to sacrifice when moving forwards. Of course no one will tick every box, hell Husband didn’t even tick all my pre-him boxes but he brought things to my life that I won’t forgo on.
I would rather be single than with someone who can’t keep up with me intellectually.
I would rather be single than with someone who can’t laugh and be silly.
I would rather be single than with someone who isn’t inherently good with great morals.
It’s that simple, I’m not asking much really.
I’m a good person. I’m funny and witty and warm. I try to always do the right thing and try to put myself in others shoes when interacting with them.
I am not without fault, but I am a good person with good morals therefore I expect nothing less than that.
Luckily for me, I am surrounded by good people with means that my circle of good people extends largely as like attracts like. So there will be a day where someone perfect for me floats into my space but for now, I can’t see anyone who ticks my must have boxes and that’s ok, it’s really only early days.
Dear Chapter 2, you have big shoes to fill…