Dear Husband,

I woke up this morning and felt it straight away. The burning behind my eyes, the heaviness in my heart, the emptiness of today – without you.

How does one celebrate a first wedding anniversary when their soul mate is no longer here? How do I get through today without being able to give you a big kiss and hug and tell you how much I love and appreciate you for making me yours forever?

Instead of doing what I really want to do, which is curl up into a ball in bed and pretend I don’t exist because existing without you is near on impossible, today I am showing myself love because you’re not here to do that for me.

This time last year, I was up and full of nerves. I was sorting out dresses and waiting for the make up artist. I was envisioning a life time filled with love and laughter. I couldn’t wait to be your wife.
This time last year we had our whole future ahead of us.

The kids and I made ourselves a lovely warm breakfast, we snuggled on the couch and watched My Kitchen Rules taped from last night (I know how much you love that show, bahahaha) and now I’m going out for lunch with some of our faves. Tonight I will make your version of spag bol (because according to you, yours was always better) and tonight I will sign out by telling you all the things I truly adore about you.

I wasn’t looking forward to today, because today isn’t fair. Today I should have you here to tell you all these things but you’re not.

Today my love, I am loving me enough to keep going. That’s enough.

I’ll love you until I’m with you. For you today, I’m loving me too.

A million loves sent your way.

Your MP. xxx