I went to the hair dressers today because I needed a change. I have had really long shiny blue black hair for a really long time and it was time. Out with the old and in with the new.
After 3 hours in the chair, I am now a brunette with highlights, my hair is shoulder length and just that small act has revitalised me somewhat. A new do to reflect the new me.
The way in which I got my highlights? Streaking cap. Remember those? Back before foils became the thing to do. The hairdresser stands behind you for an hour with a small crochet type hook shoving it through the holes which of course would see every second poke would jab you straight in the skull before she’d yank too much hair through that tiny little hole. Yeouch, right?
But today, it didn’t hurt, because today I knew real pain. I knew that in the not too distant future, the pain at the hairdresser would be over and I’d have lovely hair. Because physical pain like this is temporary, it no longer holds the power over me it once did. Because soon it would be over.
The pain I’ve felt from losing husband doesn’t end. I can’t say “In an hour, I’ll be laying back getting a head massage and it’ll all be over and I’ll be happy.” Losing someone doesn’t work like that.
On that same track, I got a tattoo years before I lost husband, and it KILLED! My pain threshold has never been good. Tiny tattoo, cried the whole time. Since losing husband, I’ve had a few done and you know what? I even fell asleep during a big one on my back.
I now know that my short term physical pain is exactly that, short term. I can now endure it without a care in the world. The emotional pain I’ve dealt with in the last 10mths is far greater than any amount of physical I have had to deal with. This emotional pain is unending and I can’t put a time frame on it. But physical pain I can.
I have changed. My threshold has changed. I now know I can endure anything because the small stuff doesn’t matter and the big stuff, I’m surviving.