We were married for six and a half weeks. I know you know that, because I’ve probably mentioned it a hundred times.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about our wedding speeches.
In mine, I talked a gazillion miles an hour because just prior to it, I had stood at the bar and downed 4-5 jager bombs to myself. Jager bombs with thai red bull, crazy stuff.
I said the usual thanks and all the things the bride does, thanked my new husband for being at the end of the aisle when I got there etc etc.

Husband, who was also as pissed as I was, had a lot of trouble getting his words out. Not emotional, just drunk.

He ended his speech with “If I were to be away from you for a long long time, the things I’d miss the most would be the arguments, the laughter and then the walk away. I love your guts, lady head.”

I wonder if that’s what he does miss. I know I do. Neither of us knew that in a short amount of time, we’d be separated for good. That that ‘long long time’ would be our reality.

We did tend to argue a lot. Not bad fights, we were just quite passionately us with our own opinions and views on things. We also laughed so so much also and made up quicker than any couple I know.
Once the explosion had happened, we lost our steam and were friends again almost instantly. The lull would turn into laughter, we were mates and all was forgotten.

I usually stomped away from him after the argument and him being the shit stirring arsehat he was, he’d stomp after me mocking me which of course then turned to laughter and hey presto, friends again!

Not long ago, something happened in the news that made me really miss the arguments.
I knew we’d have fought about this thing. That we’d have such different opinions that it would have turned into a really heated debate which would have gone to yelling and then we’d get bored and act like it never happened. Because sometimes shit just didn’t matter really. We enjoyed a feisty yelling match and we liked equally how quickly it would defuse for the both of us. That day I missed him hard. Because I didn’t have my mate to tackle stupid things against and then with. Because I didn’t have my other half to challenge me in a battle of wits like no one else ever has.

I’ve even tested people out, baited them if you will. Just to see if they were capable of the same battle of wills but no one fits that same mould. No one can argue and still be best mates like he could. No one could quite challenge me with us much passion and love like he did. He got me, he knew my buttons and when to flick them… And equally, when not to. He could wind me up quicker than anyone but he could also make me laugh more than anyone else on this planet. He was definitely one of a kind.

I’ve laughed since we lost him, I’ve belly laughed even. It’s my favourite thing to do. But to laugh like that everyday, that’s something special.

I miss you, you feisty, stubborn, intelligent & witty man. I miss you so very fucking much. xxx