I’ve touched on my spirituality a few times but not gone into great detail. I’m not going to do that today either, one day I might.
I do have a very real sense of belief in an afterlife though. That once we’re not here physically, we’re not actually gone. I’ve seen, felt and heard way too much over the years to think any differently. My belief is that the other side is like a one way mirror. They can see us, stand along side us and live through us but we can’t see them (for the most part anyway).
It is this belief and knowing that has helped me somewhat in this horrendous journey.
I’ve had probably hundreds of signs in the last 9 and a half months.
Almost everyday I get at least one thing that I know is him, showing me he’s still here, he’s still around, he’s still thinking about me as much as I’m thinking about him.
I had quite a few on Thursday just gone. I did wonder if it was for a particular reason that I won’t disclose but it seemed more excessive than any other day recently.
The TV turning itself on without intervention that morning and the show that was on, a song that came with a memory, a smell – his discontinued cologne, another random song, someone saying something near me and then a number plate.
By the end of the day, I was laughing at the dogs laying on the floor barking, wagging their tails, dancing about and doggy talking to the corner of the room. He was around and there was no mistaking it that day.
Why some days more than others? Why Thursday more than today?
I am often thankful that I know he’s still around. Not everyone has that, you know? Not everyone believes and not everyone notices. They’re trying to show us constantly that they haven’t gone anywhere. You’ve just got to pay attention.
Some of the signs I get are really funny, which just cements it further for me.
Like, a few weeks ago whilst driving alone to something pretty major in my widow journey, I said out loud “If there was ever a time for you to show me that you’re around, NOW would be it!”
Not 5 seconds later I looked up, just as I was passing a street with his name. I had chuckle to myself. Bloody smart arse.
On leaving this major event, I turned my car on and my iPhone playlist connected through bluetooth. I had been listening to the radio previously and this was impossible without intervention. I hadn’t done it, that I knew for sure.
On came a Red Hot Chili Peppers song – By the Way.
“By the way, I tried to say I’d be there, waiting for”
I hadn’t listened to the playlist dedicated to my Husband for months, because it made me sad. He needed me to know in that moment that he had been right there with me while I was dealing with this thing without him. I drove all the way back to Sydney with that song on repeat. 1.5 hrs of By the Way…
I picked up a package from the post office this morning. In that package were two diamonds. Grown from his ashes. They’re memorial diamonds and they use the carbon in ashes from cremations to create a diamond. I’m having them set into two rings. One for me and one for his beautiful mum.
I wondered to myself on my way home from the post office if he knew what I’d done and what he’d think.
As I walked through my front gate, I spotted a solitary red rose bud growing out of the rose bush. All my rose bushes were done flowering months ago but this little one was for me.
Very long story, but red roses have consistently been a way of him showing me he’s around since day one. So, he knows. He’s with me.
For anyone who’s lost someone, open your mind a little. Ask for a sign and then pay attention. You never know, you too may get the confirmation from them that they haven’t left us completely.