Dear Husband,

I wasn’t sure I’d make it to be frank. I didn’t know if I could. But I have as much fire in my belly as you always said I did and here I am.

We all miss you terribly and have our own little things that show the world you’re living this life right along with us – even though you’re not here in person.

We bought a star for you, in your name and dated the day we lost you. Your parents have created a day dedicated just to you, the Annual Golf Day held at their place which backs the golf course. Christmas last year had some elements dedicated to you and what you brought to our family days. I put some of your ashes into a firework over New Years and shot you into the sky in a brilliant display of fire and sparkles.

We have plans for your ashes, big plans. Gardens, round the world trips, favourite places. I’ve even sent some of you off to be made into diamonds for your mother and I to wear forever. Because we want you near. Because we’re trying to involve you in our world post losing you.

You get carried around in pockets in handmade hardwood puzzle boxes I gave to your nearest. We drink beers with you sitting on the table so you’re part of the life we’re living now.

I know you’re no longer here in body but we include you in our current lives. Because you matter and it’s not ok not to.

On our recent holiday, the kids and I spread a little of you in the Monkey Forest in Ubud, because you loved those crazy little creatures. I threw some of you off a cliff into the wind so you could travel wherever the wind took you like you did in life. We’ll take you out to your favourite riding spot so you’re in your element and scatter some of you on our favourite beach so you’re somewhere serene.

Everywhere I go, for the rest of my life, I’ll take you with me. In both ashes and the tattoo upon my wrist. Moving forwards is not forgetting who you were to us. Moving forward is simply that. You’re still a part of who we are and so honouring you will now be part of our life routine. We carry you in our hearts forever. Our love for you is endless.

Love you always and forever, my love. At least 27 or something.

Yours, Mazy x