People love drama. They just do. I’ve never actually seen curiosity kill a cat and neither have most people I would say. Maybe if they had, they’d be less curious.
When husband passed away, as I’ve mentioned I was surrounded by love. What also happened was a got quite a few rubber neckers jumping on the band wagon. You know the kind? They’re the ones that slow down in the traffic and “rubber neck” to see the accident. They can’t help themselves, they just HAVE to be a part of it, they just HAVE to know what’s happening.
I got a lot of PM’s and texts from people who I’m not close to. Most were genuine – just condolences and love sent in my general direction and they were appreciated, but a few were just blatant attempts at being a part of the drama.
I can mostly laugh about it now because I can detach myself from their incessant need to be in it but at the time, they caused me a great deal of distress. It took all my will power not to CAPS LOCK the crap out of them about what a nosey, self absorbed, drama seeking twat they really were.
I got a couple of “What happened?” msgs from people I’m not friends with. Ah, yeah – did you have a lobotomy in between the time I met you and now because WTF? Please, let’s meet up for coffee and I’ll share with you the story of how my husband passed away to satisfy your morbid curiosity. THAT’S at the top of my priority list right now. I love re-living that FYI. **Note incredibly exaggerated eye roll in there, please.
The “I’m always here if you need me babe. Here’s my number, please call me soon or send me your number and I’ll call you, we need to catch up” msgs were another common theme. Yeah, I met you once or I went to school with you, never spoke to you then and haven’t spoken to you since via any medium… WHY would I start now? Bitch please, don’t think for one second that I can’t see that your contact is all about wanting to find out the goss. Especially when it came from people who are known for it.
I got the flood of Facebook friend requests… Seriously? If you like watching drama, subscribe to Foxtel.
The one that stuck out for me the most however was the PM from a girl who I’ve never been friends with. Unfortunately, due to her dating a good friend of mine, I’d had to encounter her a lot over what felt like the last millennium. We never ever liked each other. So much so that I had said to her on numerous occasions that I disliked her very much and wanted nothing to do with her. I’ve never been backwards in coming forwards. If you’re an arsehole, you’ll know I think it.
She sent me a series of PM’s. A series of them. Days after I lost my husband.
“I know we’re not close but I know just how you feel, my grandma just died and I’m so sad. I get it. You just need to remember the good times you had and be happy.”
“I know how depressing it is to lose a loved one but they’re shining down on you forever. My grandma was very special to me too.”
They all said the same thing with different wording and I got one of them in one of my anger cycles. I blocked her (we weren’t friends on fb) stupid insensitive, attention seeking arse and rang my friend. He was told that she was about to really feel my wrath. He and I have been friends since we were in our early teens, he knows me well.
Your grandma died? I’m sorry to hear that. Mine died a while ago too, as did both my Pa’s… Not the same, not even a little bit the same, not even in the same fucking hemisphere. You do not get it. You have absolutely no idea.
Just remember the good times? Oh.Em.Gee. Like, that just makes it all better now. Thank you, you’ve fixed this sadness and now that I know just to remember the good times I can skip off into my future without a care in the world.
Saying that to a brand new widow after comparing her grief to that of losing a grandparent who is old and lived to their natural end is about the most insensitive and cunty thing to say to someone. Yep, I said cunty.
Got a bit carried away there, but you get my drift. Rubber necking may satisfy your curiosity but that’s all it’s doing. It’s only serving you, not the person you’re reaching out to. Please keep this in mind the next time you attempt to step into someone’s grief for your own benefit.
If your contact with someone is genuinely so that they know you are thinking of them, say things like this;
* I’m so sorry. You’re in my thoughts.
* I have no idea what you must be going through right now but know that we’re all sending as much love your way as we can.
* This will never be ok. We’ll be thinking of you all during this difficult time.
Rubber necking isn’t cool folks – it actually causes hurt where there is already enough hurt. Please mind the step.